Don't Fall for Cultural Compromise
In a conversation, we may need to contradict the other person. He may respond angrily because open disagreement is taboo in his cultural norms, either personal or his country norms (like Indians being less okay than with directness than Americans). At this point, what do we do? Some people would accommodate him so as to try to make progress on the actual topic. I call this cultural compromise.
On one occasion, I responded, “If you’re wrong, I’ll say you’re wrong. That’s not an insult.” He understood that my goal was clarity, not demeaning him.
Another time, I explained, “Whatever I say to you or you to me, we should take it in the context of the project, not personally.” He immediately understood and agreed.
If he still argues, I say, “I communicate directly so that we understand each other clearly. If I speak indirectly, there may be a misunderstanding that causes trouble for you — it can delay your project. It can cost you money. I don’t want that to happen. That’s why I speak plainly.” Then I move forward with the conversation. It usually works.
Once, someone was so emotional, or his cultural norms so far outside mine, that he chose not to work with me, which I don’t regret.
Why do I do this?
Is it because I’m rigid?
No, it’s because I took a step back and asked myself, which of the following two cultures accomplishes more:
A culture of direct communication.
A culture of beating around the bush:
One person, when asked for input before the team committed to a decision, said, “That’s okay”, so we went ahead. It failed. When I challenged him, he said that he had told me it won’t work. What? It turned out that in his lingo, “That’s okay” meant “That’s bad.” His inability to communicate clearly cost the team two months and a significant amount of money.
Similarly, when asked “Is this a good plan?” I’ve been told, “Yes, it’s a good plan but…”. That has turned out to mean what it sounds like when it comes from one person and “No, it’s a bad plan” when it comes from another.
Which of the two cultures build better products? Which delivers faster?
Obviously, the one with direct communication.
So I follow the direct culture.
Communicating directly is just one example of a cultural norm that I stick to — even when the other person snaps at me because he believes in sugarcoating things as a foundational value for effective collaboration. Another is being transparent, even when the other person is put off by it and instead believes in “need to know”. A third is being clear about my role (advisor vs DRI) in a project, even if the other person believes in ambiguous roles as a cultural norm.
In all these cases, I stick to a cultural value that produces better results for me and for the client when I look back after a year, rather than compromising to meet some random person’s cultural norms.
The other reason I communicate directly is that as a Tech Advisor to CXOs, I help companies build a productive work culture. How can I do that if I myself embody a second-tier culture?
Be the change you want to see in the world.
- Gandhi