Summary of Getting To Yes

… a book on negotiation.

When you ask a question, pause. Don’t take them off the hook by going ahead with another question or comment of your own. Get comfortable with the silence. It creates an impression of stalemate that others feel impelled to break.

Try to ask questions more than making statements. Statements generate resistance, while questions generate answers. Questions let the other side get their point across for you to understand. Questions offer no target for them to strike at, no position for them to attack. Questions don’t criticise; they educate.

Separate the people from the problem. If someone is angry, let them vent. If they’re criticising you personally, don’t defend or attack them personally. Instead, redirect the conversation to the matter at hand, just like a judo wrestler redirects his opponent’s energy at them.

Negotiate based on principles, not positions. For example, if you’re a consultant who charges hourly, and you count all time spent, including calls, and the client says that you should charge only for actual work, instead of saying “No, that doesn’t work for me” (position) say “But that would mean that some of the time I’m spending on your project is not being paid for, which isn’t fair to me” (principle). Invoking princples like this puts on the moral high ground. Anyone who disagrees is essentially saying they want to be unfair to you, and people don’t want to do that.

When you come up with a position, you usually have an underlying interest. Focus on that. For example, if you’re saying that invoices should be paid in three days, your underlying desire may be not to lose money if the client delays payment and then refuses. If the client insists on a long invoice payment period, like 60 days, instead of digging in your heels, can you ask for a significant advance? This is a different way of getting what you want. Focus on interests, not positions.

If you're about to disagree, ask them why they're saying what they're saying. They usually want something else, and see if you can offer it to them another way. Seek to understand their underlying constraints. For example, if it’s easier for them to get a smaller contract approved, and then sign another contract, rather than one big contract, understanding that will help you come to a mutually agreeable conclusion.

Offer options. If they want something important to you, instead of saying no, think about if you can ask for something else. Be flexible.

Things that prevent coming up with options:
1. Premature judgement.
2. Searching for a single answer.
3. Assumption of a fixed pie.
4. Thinking that solving their problem is their problem. Both of you should cooperate on this if you want the negotiation to succeed.

You get the most leverage in a negotiation by enhancing your BATNA. List options, identify good ones, develop them, then identify the best, and develop it further.