Some Notes about Personal Improvement
You may have space in your life at certain times for certain kinds of improvement. For example, improving cooking may be appropriate for 2024 but not for 2023. That’s completely fine.
It’s good to work on more than one area to improve in, in parallel: cooking, driving, negotiation, financial planning… You may get stuck in one area. Sometimes things happen when they happen. In that case, pick another area to work on.
Many of us have too many things going on, leading to suboptimal results and stress. And feelings of inadequacy. I have had an internal voice tell me, “You’re useless!” An engineering leader I respect told me he heard the same voice. In that scenario, downsize to 0, then upsize. I let go of my clients in Oct and have been focusing on my personal life. I’ve been doing what comes naturally. Initially, it wasn’t much. Then my inner voice told me “It’s time to start cooking”. So I’m doing that and I no longer order from Swiggy. After a while, my inner voice told me it’s time to look at buying a car. So I looked at that. Then it told me the time had come to visit my uncle. So I did that and had a wonderful time. Depending on where you’re in life, the right strategy may be to downsize to 0 and add things back one by one, only when your inner voice tells you that you’re ready.
Don’t set a deadline for the result (“By Sunday, I’ll have learnt how to make a good tomato soup”). Instead, set a deadline for action (“This morning, I’ll try making a tomato soup”). It’s okay if the soup wasn’t tasty, because the result is often not in your control. Only whether to act is within your control. So set an early action-oriented deadline than a later goal-oriented deadline.
Exceed your comfort zone just by a little each time. For example, I’m heat-sensitive and trying to improve my ability to handle heat. I walked for 2 km in the midday summer sun with an umbrella. I didn’t try it without an umbrella, because that sounds scary, and if I get a mini heat-stroke, that may put me off from trying again. So take a bunch of small steps forward, not one huge leap. It’s safe, nothing bad will happen, and you won’t overthink it. The consistency and regularity of steps matters more than how big each step is.
Some projects have a smooth learning curve, like improving your driving. Assuming you already have a license and drive, however badly, you can make one improvement easily. Such tasks are easy, like taking the stairs. Each stair is small enough for you to easily climb. Other projects like starting a startup demand a lot from you right away. It’s like being asked to jump up 100 floors at once, with a man behind you aiming a machine gun at you and threatening to shoot you if you don’t do the impossible. Depending on where you are in your life, one of the two kinds of projects may be right for you. For example, if you’re recovering from problems like burn out or personal tragedy, pick projects with a smooth learning curve.
Don’t preempt a little discomfort. For example, if you drink coffee, and it’s getting over, let it. Then buy. You may realise that you’re drinking too much coffee, which you wouldn’t have realised if you preempt all discomfort. Suffer, then improve.