The TKI Conflict Style
How do different personality types deal with conflict? The Thomas-Kilmann style is an interesting categorization:
Collaborating: This type of person responds to conflict by trying to find a win/win outcome. The other side in a disagreement has an underlying need, which may be different from what they’re saying outwardly, so Collaborators try to identify and address that need, without compromising what’s important for them. They concede points that don’t mean much to them but mean a lot to the other side. So both sides are better off.
Competing: This type of person responds to conflict by trying to dominate the other side. These are the stereotypical aggressive people who’ll keep demanding, “I want this! I want this! I want this!!!” without even listening to you. This is a win/lose outcome. A Competing person wants to win and the other side to lose.
Sacrificing: This type of person responds to conflict by satisfying the other side at the expense of their own needs, resulting in a lose/win outcome.
Avoiding: This type of person responds to conflict by avoiding it rather than trying to resolve it. Since there was no attempt at resolution, neither side’s needs are met, resulting in a lose/lose outcome.
Compromising: This type of person responds to conflict by having each side get part of what they want, resulting in a compromise/compromise outcome. Neither side outright wins or loses.
Look at these categories to identify your primary style, and your secondary style. I think my primary style is collaborating to achieve a win/win outcome 1 and if that’s not possible, competing to achieve a win/lose outcome. I don’t believe in Sacrificing. I don’t believe in Avoiding, since that results in a lose/lose outcome, which is the worst possible outcome — at least one side should win! I don’t believe in Compromising, since I think a compromise/compromise outcome is closer to lose/lose than to win/win 2.
Similarly, identify your primary and secondary conflict styles, to get a deeper insight into what kind of person you are.
Then again, who will admit that they’re not collaborative?
Though there are other kinds of work like international diplomacy which are about compromise.